August 18, 2014

Doubts on Love itself

I've been thinking and being bothered by my feelings towards my husband. I sometimes feel uneasy when i asked myself if my husband really and truly honestly love me. Maybe it is my intuition as a woman that he is somehow keeping secrets behind my back. Like infedility.. It started when i wasn't able to access his accounts on social sites, like before he is open to me and he give me his passwords for me to feel easy and find my peace maybe. But now im in doubt coz he's trying to be that secretive to me lately. He wouldn't share his passwords to me anymore. For me it is my sense of security. I would feel secure if i had knowledge about his extra activities. Its not that i dont trust him more. For me its a form of confirmation that what he said he is doing is true and as is as what he says to me. I feel like love is moving backward each day. Although i feel normal, we communicate normally, and we say i love you at each other everyday. I still feel like a tiny hole in my heart is spreading out slowly.. If only he knew how i feel right now. But nevermind, i will only be misunderstood for sure. And we would only argue about it. I think its not that much to asked and give each other access on our accounts because we are partners in real life. Im his other half and he is mine. So what is yours is mine and what is mine is yours, thats how i understand marriage. Am i on the wrong? Coz everybody i know had their access on their husband's accounts. Its just like a joint savings account in a bank.. Both must have an access.. We never know when one would end up an accident, how can another access his/her accounts when both dont have a knowledge at each other. Its sharing life for me. Im pained and im totally devastated and disappointed in this kind of privacy rule. It only applies to single and not for couples. It is my opinion and my point of view.. I guess waiting for him to be open will be a long process.. Maybe i would get an access on his accounts only when his hands cant move or body will be paralyzed because he wont have a choice but to asked me to open it for him.. Well, its just a bit of my exagerated imagination. Till here for now! My heart wants to breath..

Japan life

First of all I would like to apologized for not updating my blog in this website. Been busy this past year 2021 along with this pandemic and...