Sometimes i think...

    There are times when i feel a lot of confusion, sometimes i can’t even believe things are happening so fast..everything and everyone changes..well, i still couldn’t cope in this kind of environment. Just like right now, Im talking again and chatting with my husband always the same routine, nothing much to talk about sometimes but we still have to talk as if it is our duty with each other, and thats because were far apart..sometimes we talk of uncommon ideas that we shared, although some of the topic were nonsense..its just that we have to make the conversation alive. Im not much of the talking type of person but i love to listen from someone who talk much like my husband..who stimulates my mind and my presence.
    I wonder why, what if were not yet married until now? what could we be now? will there be changes in our feelings for each other? will he feel responsible as it is right now? what could he be doing when he feels lonely? hmm, maybe go out with a friend, preferably a filipina that he knows so well..who he can call on anytime. or go to a pachinko?! what would he do in his spare time? i wonder...i have known him as a faithful man..straight guy. and being paro-paro was really out of my thought until i had known what he had been doing and who he deals his time with, and sharing his love and passion. those were the days when i beat him emotionally, i was really gone mad and out of control. Because i hate liars. Its better to talk in honesty. Truth hurts but i can learn to accept. At least I am being aware right?
    But then, love really conquer all. And when you truly, deeply love someone you would be able to accept him for who he was and forget about the past then forgive and forget. Its unbelievable sometimes why things happen when you least expect it.. maybe that was the greatest trial in our relationship that we had ever encounter..maybe that was our calling, his calling to settle down and stick to one woman, lucky that it was me.. he he he I just wish that right now he is totally honest with me in anything under the sun and even below the belt.. because now Im really happy with him. I had the man of my dream.. not exactly but he’ll try to be the one. He seems to be honest now and vices are gone, yet one thing i still dont like about him is SMOKING! i hope he’d stop it. Im worried of his health, i still want to keep him healthy as we grow old together.
    Well, i really missed him..seeing him sleeping all alone, i want to run on his side and hug him so tight, i wish i could.. just to ease his tired feeling from working so hard.. i want to give him massage in the head..anything where he can relax. I want to be a full time wife.. i really wish were together now..Im a bit sad and lonely now.

God bless you all! Have a nice day...c",)

Wondering thought...

    This fast few days my thoughts had gone wondering about my life.. i had come to realized many things in my life now and appreciate all my blessings. But i also had so many worries and complains especially when it comes to my children’s health. Like yesterday yuri had constipation, its hard to see her pushing hard and crying a lot just to relieve her discomfort. She was shaking and body trembling a lot with cold sweats. I was really worried and feeling sick myself. I wish i can take yuri’s pain away. I hurriedly call her health doctor and asked for an advice, after giving me the instruction i ask my brother lhon to buy the medicine as soon as he can. I cant take it any longer to see her in pain and crying. After 3 hrs of comforting her she made it then, the medicine took effect. Now i can breath easily.. I decided to stop her solid food intake as it maybe the reason on her constipation. Its much better to give her fresh fruits. Thats also her doctor’s advice. I mail on Mark and tell him about yuri’s condition. He was also worried, but i must not bother him much because he was working.. so i was doing my best to settle it, but deep inside i was really in panic and needed him beside us at this moment. I was thankful that my family is here to assist me and give support. It was really helpful, if i were alone i wouldn’t know what to do. Now yuri is doing fine and recovering. although last night i could hardly sleep because she still have a bit of pains and constipating.. Today she could move her vowel normally. Such a relief for me. And because i was so tired and stress out i didn't notice i had fallen to sleep for 15 minutes and it was a deep sleep. Maybe because i was really tired. I wouldn’t had waken if it wasn’t because of my brother jhing’s presence he said there’s no gas to cook our food for lunch, and that mama ask for money to buy gas. I felt a sudden ache of pain in my head and got annoyed. Why do some people lacks on consideration.. when im tired and in the middle of resting myself they would bother me. I mean my mom could have thought on buying our gas considering that i was sleeping she knows that later i would pay her. But why still bother me, this things happen always and i was always in patience. How many times do i have to suffer this kind of treatment.. Im only asking for a little consideration.
    Well, maybe some people  really dont realized it until they were told or someone teach them these manners. But i realized it later that maybe they dont really mean to ruin my resting time it was just a bad timing.. still i hope my family could learn to be more considerate and act responsibly with their actions.. Im speaking my self out and it was just for my self pity. i have nothing against my family. They are equally as important as my own family. I love them all. Without them my life would be lacking and wont totally be happy. So, i wish that from this moment we could live our lives together in harmony.
    But then again i really missed Mark. I wish to give him comfort, care and my love. I want to support him all i can. Be the best wife for him, if Im qualified!? i hope he’s happy too with me and wishing that he is also wanting me beside him. But he is not showy when it comes to expressing his love for me. He’s not also that verbal to speak of sweetness and flowering words to please me. But he always say i love you mahal ko.. he he he that would be my compliment for the whole days work as a mother..That’s all! sorry for the long waiting on my blogs update, Im really, a busy mom...

God bless you all! Have a nice day...c",)