Together forever: Committed to build a happy family

October 13, 2016 arrived here in Penang island, Malaysia. It was a blessing in disguised that we finally get together again as one family. My mission starts as soon as we step out of our house in Philippines. I keep myself confident and rely in God's master plan for our life as a family. Eventhough were really financially tight i took the risk and get us boarded the plane. I remind myself always God will provide my needs. He guided me what to do and followed Him through speaking on my conscience. He sent me here to take my husband back to where he is supposed to be. I dont want him to live in sin.. step by step and slowly he will come back to his senses and forget all his trouble and focus only on our family. He will be blessed through me and my prayers will sustain his spirit to see the reality of living a decent life with us. Everything has its time, things happen with a purpose and thats what we needed to look forward to learn. I can only say " I trust you Lord Jesus Christ my ultimate savior for life. Into Your hands i commend our spirits."
As of now, theres no big trouble coming yet. But if someday it will come I will need God's wisdom and guidance to overcome it all. I hope and pray that my husband will be open and honest to me in everything so i could pray for him whenever he'd be in trouble. I want to fulfill my duty as a wife and mother to my kids. This time around everything will change for the better. I love and treasure my family forever no matter what happen. I will protect us.

Talk Manly

Your words reveal your emotions, your character, your attitudes, your personality. Often talks are cheap because the supply exceeds demand.

"Each person has a basic decency and goodness. If they listen and act on it, they will give a great deal of what the world needs most. But it takes courage for a person to listen to their goodness and to act on it."

"Do not use harmful words in talking. Use only helpful words, the kind that build up and provide what is needed, so that what you say will do good to those who hear you" (Eph. 4:29).

A noble man and a lady of kind sentiments should be characterized by speech that helps others to stand on their own feet.
* Words of wisdom
by discriminating between good and evil,
by practicing commonsense,
by rejoicing for the things one has,
by pursuing the best ends by the best means.
by knowing what to overlook,
by eliminating the non-essentials,
by having a sense of humor,
by changing one's mind.
by being aware that often we enjoy it when we stoop rather than when we soar.
* Words of peace
by seeking it within yourself,
by appreciating it as the fairest form of happiness,
by preserving it at home,
by loving, from mutual self-sacrifice and self-forgetfulness,
by making it a way of living,
by being aware that peace rules the day when God rules the heart.
* Words of forgiveness
by making it the key to freedom,
by believing that who forgives most shall be most forgiven,
by taking it as a sign of gentle nature,
by living a forgiven life.

God bless you all! Have a nice day...c",)

The phases of love

It took a lot of courage to write this terrible event happened in my life. Even up until right now i still cant see it happened to me. Its unimaginable. My married life has been scattered. Broken into pieces. Looking back at the root caused of our problem and the situation that arises i could finally understand what is happening right now.

Im facing the most challenging event that suddenly occur in an unexpected moment. And the circumstances were facing is too much to struggle alone. Im probably asking this to myself a hundred times.. What had i done wrong? Why did it happened in our marriage? Why me and my husband? Did i mistook the man i marry? He is totally indifferent, somewhat like a total stranger towards me.. He acts like he is under a spell or anything in a wizardly craft. It is very uncommon to see him this way.. looking like a very lost sheep. The man i had admired the most is getting lost out of the right track. The most dignified and righteous with full integrity when he is dealing on the mistakes that me and our children make, i still cant believed his principles and virtues in life had twisted 180 degree. What happened to the man i love with my whole life, the man i fight for against all odds in the middle of our relationship, the man i trusted with my whole being and the man whom i thought would never ever hurt me again? Or was this the real him that I just didn't see even before i met him? When he marry me i look at him like a hero that saves me away from night life where i used to work for living.. that was what i had been praying for that my hero would come and rescue me and make me pure again. So by that time we got married everything turns sacred for me. Everything is new and i feel like i was born again the real me has come out. I leaved all my past behind and continue to walk in the right path with him. I follow him because i entrusted him my future and my womanhood. I gave him children who's been our little angels. It brings more color and meaning to our marriage. It gives us an inspiration to strive. We became family. There is nothing more joyful in having a complete whole family. For me this is the life i dreamed of. This is the real blessing in my life. Even if sometimes we argue on things, we talk things out and put on a conclusion in every problem we encounter. Because we have our love and trust for each other. And far more we have a responsibility to continue pursuing life together as a couple because our responsibility extends to our children. It isn't just us now we have our children to raised. Here goes another step another level in our married life to take responsible parenting. Im keeping track of the event in our life. Im taking notes inside my head and understand it with my heart through my conscience. Im facing and approaching this trials in our marriage through seeking wisdom of God. Our ultimate creator. Understanding His words and realizing it in reality i can somehow survived the pain that is killing me softly and taking away my own self-worth.

Now i realized why he cheated on me. I guess i also had my fault in there. But not exactly a valid reason or generally accepted as a reason for him to cheat. And just because we leaved him alone in the home that we were starting to built he would fall on to other girl. It isn't the loneliness he felt that we measure, it is the love he feels for me and the respect he should have to our family, that should be the standards and the reason he could have think at first to protect himself from this temptation. I also felt lonely but i didn't took it as a reason to cheat because I love my husband and I will be faithful to him no matter the distance. I trusted him with full confident that he wont cheat on me because that's what he had promised me before our marriage. I keep it always in my mind and carry that promised in my heart. Its not the last days of our lives anyway we still look forward of being together again after i settle my finances which is the reason why i needed to go back to my country. And to him he knows why we left and decided to go back to my country.. my motives are for him to not get to tired working so hard in raising our kids and sending them in a very expensive school. i just want to lessen the financial burden he is carrying on his shoulder. I understand that it is very difficult for him by that time because he got used to our presence when we were living together. But i must admit i feel the guilt of depriving him his rights to raised our children with all the best that he can give. I had also been stubborn in letting my compassion rule because he is working so hard for our family. I thought i was helping him, i really didn't see it coming to him in an emotional way. Im deeply sorry for my mistake and for taking his feelings for granted when we left. I never thought it would deeply give a scars in his heart. I love him so much and i just wanted to make things easy for him. I never thought he'd be this weak on temptations. I look at him with high standards and proud as a man of being righteous because he believes in moral values. That was the one character of him that i admired the most he is always right and just in his acts.. well that was before. Now He is being lost and perhaps he's still lurking in the most immoral act of infidelity, curing his loneliness and pain with a poison that will surely make him more weak and sick making him out of focus and direction on what he should really do with his life and taking responsibility for the sake of our children. Even though i had given him his chances on fixing things and go back on the right track He still continue to swim the pleasure he is feeling with his temporary happiness. Its not for the long term goal that he is facing now. And as much as i wanted to help him out it is his own will to escaped on that path and regain his dignity as a family man, as a married man. I had also been giving my best for the success of our marriage. And enduring all this pain to keep our family together.

There are certain moments that i would feel empty when i think about him, and his cheating. I cant precisely explain and described what im feeling for him but its closed to the feeling of falling out of love. The feeling of giving up at that moment, but when i think of our children the feeling holds me back in deciding. I cant sacrificed my children and be selfish just to get back my pride as a woman and as a wife. Im losing my self-respect as a woman but i gained and learned to give more love for the sake of our children and their future. Maybe you can imagined the pain im going through. Im caught in between myself and my children. But I'd rather choose my children instead of my own self gain. I cant stand the guilty feeling of depriving my kids to have a whole family.. keeping a father and a mother together in the same roof, making their dream come true to have a happy family always. I can pretend to it whole my life it is my sacrifice as a mother. For the sake of their normal growth and personality development. And I still respect my husband for he is the father of my children and had been a great father to them. I appreciate his love for our children. Im being hopeless of his love for me to come back. Even if he'd say so i dont know if i could still believe in him. I need to see his own effort. Right now Im dedicating my self only to my children.. They are my priority and Im living my life for them. I need to fight for them and give them what they deserved. Im totally and honestly feel this way.. The scars it left in my heart is deeper thru my soul. If I cant control my anger and let my temper go out to him, I dont know what i can do to him. If i dont fear God and I dont obey the rule of righteousness and human rights i dont know where else he'd go. He might loss his job, pay and support me for the damaged and would cost him more. But most of all He'd lost our family and wont be able to see the children. And probably He'd be deported out of the country because he is abiding the law and his company's rule in the employee's code of ethics. No company would hire with such record when they found out he is neglecting his own family and giving us psychological and social abuse, and he would also probably be losing his happiness because the girl would runaway because he'd be broke and bankrupt. If not for his money no one would dare to live with him as a lover knowing he is already a family man. If he'd be blind and could not see the beauty of the outside would he feel the same? If he'd be out of job and penny less would she still cling to him knowing he cant give her anything. Only his real family could accept his real situation for we are bonded by our commitment in our marriage for better or worse till death do us part. If he'd be going to live with his girl he should consider her. Is she worth it, losing our family? She's also a married woman yet she cant managed the worse within her family? Thinking and considering her children she cant even do the sacrifice as a mother? Events that happened repeat itself when not learned. Using a charm and sweet talks doesn't make you an ideal girl. It is in the mind of a person and the way she/he should think. Beautiful minds are much worth loving and admiring than physical attributes. How can you maintain physical beauty if you only focus on it and not thinking or knowing the real essence of beauty is on how you truly managed your life and the people that rely on you. How responsible you are of your own being. And how you take your responsibilities seriously. Beauty on the outside will perished when we get old same as to every man. Yet we all want to keep young looking, its normal as long as it doesn't give harm on anyone and no one gets affected by it. We cant control our aged, we will probably get our faces wrinkled and skins will sagged, our physical health depreciate. And at the end of our life line who would be there to look after you and take care of you with all their heart?

Marriage is a commitment. It is bond by love. A family is composed of a father, mother, and children. For each has a role to carry. A father is responsible to his children and their future. As a husband He has an obligation or duty to fulfill that only he can give to his wife and no other man, same as to wife to her husband and no other woman must sustain that need.. Both parents are responsible for the growth and development of their children. Parents are responsible in honing their children's skills, talents, character and personality. It is the most critical part in raising a child. For their virtues and principles in life starts within their family. Parents doesn't buried themselves to the graved it is the duty of their children to carry them on their graves as the sign of respect and gratitude. Finally, a family that stays together and love each other will stay forever together. No one can break it apart. Commitment, respect, love and care for one another are the important keys to keep the family.



God bless you all!
Have a nice day...c",)

Living a New Life

Life is a journey, a short walk, a diary in which we write our own story. Its course is unpredictable. It is one-way street. It must live forward. No matter how many detours you take, none of them leads back.
Life is a mixture of good and evil, of success and failure. It is what you make it. Life gives you time and space, it's up to you to fill it. Its measure is not the duration, but its donation.

"Life is a mission. Every other definition of life is false, and leads all who accept it astray."

Life itself is pay enough. We should be contented of its requisites.
>Health enough to make work a pleasure,
>Wealth enough to support your needs,
>Strength to battle with difficulties and overcome them,
>Grace enough to confess your sins and forsake them,
>Patience enough to toil until some good is accomplished,
>Charity enough to see some good in your neighbor,
>Love enough to move you to be useful and helpful to others,
>Faith enough to make real the things of God,
>Hope enough to remove all anxious fears concerning the future.

The purpose of life is a life of purpose. The purpose is energetic aim, keen zest in striving and urgency to constant effort to make the most of life.

"Everyone who breathes, high and low, educated and ignorant, young and old, man and woman, has a mission, has a work. We are not sent into this world for nothing; we are not born at random; we are not here that we may go to bed at night, and get up in the morning, toil for our bread, eat and drink, laugh and joke, sin when we have a mind, and reform when we are tired of sinning, rear a family and die. God sees everyone of us; He creates everyone... for a purpose."

If a person has a "Why" to live, he can endure almost any "How". But if that dimension of "Why" is lacking, then the whole structure of one's life eventually collapses.

If you know and decide on a goal, you can better prepare for achieving it. This tips maybe helpful:
KEEP YOUR SENSE OF DIRECTION: Take time out occasionally to reflect and consult your inner compass - your best self.
OBSERVE THE SPEED LIMITS: Set a space that won't burn you out before you reach your destination.
WATCH YOUR ROAD SIGNS: Each day there are indications of danger, direction on how to proceed, signs of progress. Look for them. Respond to them.
STOP, LOOK AND LISTEN: Pay attention to the task you are doing and the persons you are with.
BE CONCERNED FOR CO-WORKERS: Give them support and offer them good companionship. Do unto others as though you were the others.
REFUEL: Discuss the topic with experienced persons and read books on the subject. The aim is not enough, you must hit. The truth is no one can ever fulfill your desire except you. Pray.

Man is endowed with will-power and its education and strengthening is the object of our existence. God make us brave for life. When we direct ourselves for a fixed mission, we stamp out our own freedom to grow and change. Everyone meets life with a personal response. We have no fixed personality. It is self-limiting and it denies us our power of continuous creation. Self-creation happens once self-motivation is mastered. With their average intellect every man and woman have a clear perception of how they can achieve their goal and with due application and labor they can win. Of course, they need watchfulness because of the tendency to be negligent and repose in vain security.

Life begins and blossoms at home. Psychologists say children receive 60 percent of their life from their parents and the 40 percent from the environment in which they live. The stars in heaven are shining guides and inspiration for everyone to be ongoing, become emotionally strong, socially caring and working for the well-being of all.

EXPRESS YOURSELF FULLY!


God bless you all! Have a nice day...c",)

To Mr. M..

It was a sudden visit but did a great impact. The air around that time seems like yesterday. Never thought you'd really show ur face. I admire ur gut and courage to face what u had once left. I can see your nervous and unsure if we'd give you forgiveness, eventhough your sweating cold and trembling you still managed to get that confident intacted. Nothings change in you. I can see your still assuming things and thought of me the same way as i was before. But sorry cause i've changed i had stopped chasing you after your marriage and sorry cause Bhel cant accept you. She's mad and angry with you from the bone. Felt shocked of your presence and silently crying without tears in her eyes. So many questions in her mind that needs to be answered. I felt disappointment of your unuttered words.. you play it safe and casually wanting more to say. But your definitely a coward in nature. Never came out from your mouth even a word of sorry towards her. What the hell were you thinking? I guess you think your inside your dream. She waited to hear your reasons for the whole 13 yrs. That was a mistake you did for not being specific of your purpose in seeing her. Really what is your motive. If its to ask for forgiveness, i had given it to you a long time ago. I moved on since the day you throw our future away. And when you get married to your wife now the chances of us is no more. So when you asked me if i can let you love me again? I say it again you will only be hurting yourself and the family you have now. So let go of that feelings now. Because i wont ever give up my life and family now just to give you what you asked of me. It is way too complicated and would be unfair to you.. a one sided love is the only thing you can get;  you and me together will hurt the people around us now. So pls stop that feelings and desire of yours. I love my husband specially my children. I dont want to give them a broken home. I cant live without my conscience pure. I always pray to God of the events in my life. I can only be a friend to you now. So goodbye lover boy and hello my friend.

Hard to Forgive and Forget. How to decide on love..

A broken heart thats what Im feeling now. Being cheated once again making me look like a fool. Trust is the most difficult thing to give. Once its broken it can never be get back. How do i forgive? This is driving me mad. Im angry and very disappointed but i cant find myself wanting to hurt him back. I'd rather hurt myself then. I live for his happiness.. i sincerely do its what i call unconditional love. Until when can i play this game of playing innocent of what is really happening to our relationship. Why he had to fool around? What am i lacking? Im scared of regreting all my decisions.. i dont want to be told on the sacrifices i had made just to regret in the end and gave up life easy. I had my children to protect and give them a good future. And if possible a complete happy family. If only he'd be open and honest to me enough maybe he can still mend my broken heart. Faithfulness , love , sincerity and honesty are the only things i ask of him. I can give him last chance if only he'd be honest and tell me the truth face to face of what is really going on in his mind and in his heart. What does the word "I love you" really mean to him? And how do he get there doing this to me? What made him do this to me? I know were far apart from each other and as a man he has his manly need that only i should be the one providing it for him. I also have that kind of need but im waiting and patiently still waiting for him to come to me or for him to ask me to be there for him on those needed moment. Infidelity on his part. Right now i dont know where to start or should i really argue about it. As soon as possible i want him to cut ties with his woman before things get to worsed. Or my devil side would come out. It will be very regretful and would probably take a long time to heal. As far as i know im a very understanding wife to him. I know his need. I pour and shower him my love although in a distant. And thats our sacrifice. Wherever we are if love is true and genuine he does'nt have any reason to play with other girls near him. He should know his limits and his commitment to our marriage. And remember what he promised me that he would never cheat again ever after i accepted him as my partner in life, my other-half. I dont want my children to be pitied in the future.. i want to raise them in the beliefs of a complete happy family. I hope he'd realized our worth. Or should i let him choose between his woman and us his own family. Eventhough he hurt me many times.. i still in end find myself giving him a chance. I hope and pray i could learn to love myself more. What have i done wrong to deserved this kind of heart aches.😭😭😭 I wish somebody would really care for me.

Out of love?

Feeling all alone in a lonely sunset.. Thinking about the love we had a few years back. I realized that it may not be pure love that you had felt for me. Sometimes you act so cool and confident about me.. You sure know your place in my heart, but i dont know mine in yours. Its irritating to be just calm and take it for granted. Ignoring the way you treat me. A silent cry in my heart is wanting to cry out loud where no one can hear. All this pain is like a needle rushing in through my heart. Going deeply deep deep down inside me. Cursing my mind's sanity. I wonder what i had done wrong. Did i hurt you the day we left our home? Are you still mad with my decision? You know my reasons and hoping you'd understand. I know im inexperienced when it comes to family decision especially when dealing with the hardship of being a couple, partner and a parent. I felt sorry for not confiding you that matter before i decide. And thank you for respecting me still. I feel like chasing your heart ever since i met you.. But whenever im near you now i feel so pressured. Dont know why i lost that confident of loving you without any condition. You know my love is genuine.. And it beats for you only.. But the way we are now is not the same feeling we had before. Love is forever young. Only people grows old. I hope and pray that you would love me the same. Coz' im afraid to change.

Changed

Wondering why a sudden changed of mind.. That was unusual of you.. Does your heart felt somewhere else? Did it fall on the ground or flew to the sky..? Reachin' for the happiness that you didnt find in me? Or just a sign of giving up to what your holding on with me. I still cant believed why you accepted my case. Letting me go to your beloved country. Do you trust me that much? Anyway, i am thankful and glad to hear that u wont force me anymore.. Its like letting me soar high to fly up in the sky, giving me a lift to reach my goals in life. I can now continue on fulfilling my dreams for us. Thank you for ur trust. And i love you for  that. Watashi no tenchi tachi wa anata to sannin kodomo.