New leaf

Yesterday was a very special day coz its my one and only mother 52nd birthday.. We had a simple party with very few visitors and just family gathering. Unlike last year this time we didnt drink any liquor.. Only the boys drink. Well, it seems fine and simple happiness is felt by everyone.
Right at this very moment while writing on this journal i feel so very sleepy. Yeah! Im definitely tired.. But today i get a great news from gregory, auntie nancy said that her hubby will teach me how to drive even if i broke his car as long as i can learn how to drive.. Such kindness my heart melt for their warm concern. But first i should let go of any nervousness i have in my system. Gregory said that when i want to drive i shouldnt feel nervous and just relax. Well, it will buy us more time for me to be able to get rid of my nervous attack. I hope and pray that i can make it and be the best driver i can be. Maybe next week if gregory wont be busy he could teach me then. I wanted to surprise my hubby that i could also drive a car aside from bikes.. This will be fun.
Anyway, maybe someday and im hoping that my dream of having my own car would come true. If God permits! But i doubt my hubby wont agree on buying our own car. Hu hu hu..just in case my perseverance could change his mind on this matter!
Thats all!!!
Happy Birthday my beloved mother!
We love you so much...
Wishing u on ur birthday a healthy mind and body.
Keep your light to lit our family..
And i really appreciate ur being here with us always and for all your support thru good and bad times! Your really one of a kind! The best mother i could ever have, just one thing has to be change.. Please move a little faster and dont keep people waiting always!

My life

Its late at nyt but it seems like my brains wouldnt want to rest thinking.. My minds thoughts of so many things that i could hardly jot down in this journal. I would always want to do writing and i love doing this stuff, although sometimes i would feel lazy and i just want my mind to keep its thought.. But somehow i realized that i had to write it down, coz no one knows when i can still remember the things that i am thinking right now and my ideas would still be the same in the future..
Well, its quite unrelated on what i had written in my first paragraph the truth is i want to speak whats on my mind. This journal will be my stress releasing time. Just like right now, i been married for 2yrs and 5 mos now. Yet i still feel like our marriages was just 2mos old. Im still on the verge of adjustments, my vision, physically, mentally and emotionally. The truth is i dont know if im being a good wife to my husband and responsible mother with my 2 kids. Somestimes its really challenging my ability to decide on things and wanting to do my best but ending still in misery.
What can a woman like me do better to make her children grow to be a better person, im only relying on my own knowledge and what im feeling is the right thing to do. I really wish my hubby to be by my side during this times letting us both take responsibility in raising our children well. Its really a tough job for me, but im optimistic that my children wont give us a shame in the future. I pray for them to be good citizen. Practiced humanitarian and find their life in stable status. Im putting my faith and trust to them. And may God blessed my children.
As for my husband, im just feeling a little lonely right now coz he's not beside me. He needs to leave us for work back in his country. At first i could manage his absence but as time passes by and it took him more than what we had agreed upon on his working days. I would feel disappointed and wanting to give-up and bring back the time. Im happy beside him i feel i am the closest being he could ever had. But things turn out to be different as time passes by, i feel so lonely that my heart is getting cold and i could hardly feel the warm of it whenever i see his face on screen when we chat. Yeah i missed him though but its different when i could hold him and feel his heart beating. Unlike when hes beside me we could always talk in open heart and mind all the thought thats bothering us and even nonsense topic will occur. Those were the moments when i feel so happy that we would be able to share ideas, just in that way i feel so lucky to have him hearing his voice, teaching me things i didnt know yet and listening to his advised when things get rough in our family member. I missed those scenes in my life..oh how i wish i could have him come back home to me this instant.
I admired him and appreciate all his effort to raise our family alone. Thats how tough he is and can be for the sake of our family. Thats immeasurable on his part. And so i wished im being the wife he was expecting too. I dont want to give him any burden made by me. As much as i want to and will do help him make it easier and lighter to live with us, i will do my very best. Even if at times when it make our days in trouble i will positively do it right and make things better. Causing so much trouble on him is the last thing i could do. Well, maybe that would depend on the situation by that time. But i promised to protect this family were building together. He is my partner in life thats why we both need to struggle in this journey of life.

Helpless for my dream

Last night i couldnt think of any valid reason to make Him agree to buy us a car. Well its one of my dream but thats not the reason why i suddenly want us a car now. He'd been always on doubt that we couldnt handle it and that i cant manage our expenses for living.. He would give up so easily on this matter. And hated this idea. A proper and more convenient way to transportation is to have our own service. Yet, still even now that i bought a scooter to take us to places we want and need to go, he's still not convince of our safety to ride on it. And when i asked him to have us a car for us to be comfortable on our travel he wouldnt give his yes to what i want for our family's transporting services. I just cant accept it that instead of giving me an answer like in a proper voice tone or nice way of discussing thing like a real partner in life instead of directly disagreeing on my idea. As a wife i would think that it seems like he doesnt trust me hundred percent on any decision or idea i would suggest on him. Hes always the boss between us.. I felt disappointed. It makes me feel like i have no right at anything at all to decide on things.. I understand his worries, but also need his trust for me to be able to strived harder on what he is expecting of me. How can i give my best when even if im not starting yet a project he would judge me and my ability so badly.. He didnt even give me some benefit of the doubt or encouraging words to let me think of a much better decision. He would think of so many negative things first before considering a second thought on what im saying. I think its not fair too.

The taste of my Love

I made this special dishes... Practicing now my cooking skill for my beloved husband!

Cooking for Love..

It says that you get your man's love through his stomach.. definitely! I must agree as to what most woman would advise particularly the oldies in their generation.. Well, maybe there's half the truth to that statement. Why dont we asked the boys out there? who do you prefer to love? The one who can cook or the one who cant? whatever your answer is just keep it to yourself now, as for me i would guess the first one. But i would want to share something about me, maybe some other woman would have this kind of experience too.. actually i am not really the type of girl who wants or loves cooking before. I live my life so easily, i mean i do as i please like im kinda easy go lucky person. And i wasn't thinking or too much on a focus for the food thing, my mom and dad usually cooks for us.. so i didn't bother my self to do so in the kitchen. Yes Im that lazy brat..(LOL) but things has changed. Suddenly i felt this enthusiasm to do on the kitchen, been very inspired to cook for my love this past few days, eventhough his not at home yet i dont want to missed any single day to boost my chance on cooking delicious food that he would or maybe love to eat till he comes home. Im willing to exert much much more effort just to make it perfect and make sure that cupid spell is on my dishes.. hehehe Yes Im definitely going crazy about the idea. And its all because of him... for Love!

And Goodluck to me!

God bless you all! Have a nice day...c",)