Feeling down...

Konbanwa minasang!

good evening everyone..sorry for just updating now, i could hardly write when Im not in the mood or without inspiration..my writings depends on how Im feeling at this very moment..Well, Im feeling down again and ofcourse with the same reason..seems like my husband is getting out of way in our marriage life, i wonder why he suddenly change..this starts when he saw her ex-gf jona along the road going back to his apartment..or am i just being paranoid again..i cant help to worry about him and his doing cause i cant see him that often and most of all were not together now..his in japan and Im here in philippines..why is it so hard to reach through his heart..while writing this blog Im still crying right now. He promised he wont hurt me again but still this happens a lot. I guess thats the sacrifice we must take when we love the person,we keep on getting hurt not just because we care so much but also because we are in love. Its really true that love is acquinted with getting hurt, when you let someone get into your heart and you give your all, Your giving the person the right to hurt you. Sometimes i feel so tired getting into this situation, seems like he doesn't understand me anyway. i dont even know now if there is really care..now its not just my heart thats aching but my stomach too is rumbling in pain this really affects my body condition not just emotionally but physically it weakens me..my heart (shinzou kurushii) is now so painful..But I will try to write this blog to release the burden inside me...i want to shout..(abaritai)...

Can anyone teach me the rules in marriages?what are the rights of a wife? Is it wrong to tell him directly how i feel..he said munko iranai..what does it mean? i guess he meant for me to shut up..why cant i asked where he'd been?what he'd been doing? was it wrong to care so much? does he want me to just stay put here and dont check on him..Im his wife for all i know...i have the right to know anything about him..i was thinking of calling his mom..and introduce myself. I had been waiting for him to do this action, but i guess his planning it more longer.. i wonder why he wanted to keep us far. sometimes its hard to understand the way he thinks.. even now his not that open to me and maybe not too honest to me. while In always all the time is honest in everything to him..i tell him everything.. i'd expected him to do the same...i accepted his past and Im his present and future now. I cant bear his silence when we are under a stressful moment...can someone give me an advice on how to deal with a cold partner? (tsumetai danna) all i want for him to do is to make some time for me.. our 1st anniversary is coming soon and his not planning anything for us not even a little celebration..for now i guess theres nothing to celebrate anymore...hu hu hu i couldnt sleep well again, not until we can talk properly.. i feel so tired dealing with this kind of feeling..i hope and pray we can make it together..i still love him so much...maybe forever, even if he mistreats me..

God bless you all! Have a nice day...c",)