I dont know why im feeling this way. Am i just being pathetic? But this feeling is killing me softly.. I dont want to argue about how im feeling anymore.. And im afraid to feel so much rejected. Im keeping all this pain of feeling unloved by the man i give my whole life with but i still choose to continue the journey beside him. Although he is here, present in body and in mind but his heart for me is nowhere to find he only gives his genuine love to our kids and it makes me feel unworthy to be his wife. I mean if he dont love me anymore why would he still keep me and suffer from the happiness he can get from someone he wanted to be with. Wouldn't he be wasting his time? I feel like im a burden in his shoulder that is pulling him from his own happiness.. And it makes me feel bad, i dont want to be the reason of someone's happiness to get ruin. I love him so much and im willing to do the sacrifice if thats what he would ask. Im not feeling really secured even if the love and care he is showing me is for real or just for the sake of our kids. I could hardly trust him again after his cheating, even if he is saying he is just being her friend now and nothing more, i still dont feel secured. He had done it once, and he can do it again if he wanted to. And i dont feel any assurance from him that he wont cheat on me again. He dont even reply on my words of love and adoration just to make me feel at ease and more secure. He seemed to be so cold and his heart is shut towards me. He is wearing a poker face. And it makes me feel more lonely, that im literally feeling cold all over my body. It affects my health and my sanity. I feel like im losing my self. That im dying inside little by little. All i need for as cure is his warm love, his true genuine love just like before. I missed him when we were true to each other.. When we both genuinely give our love for each other. My mind and body is suffering from this heart break trauma and his unknown emotional and psychological abuse towards me. He isnt aware that everything i wish to hear from him are the words that could help me go on with my life and would probably make me feel better. I hope and pray he would be sensitive enough to know my needs. Its his love thats all i ever wanted. I need to hear, to feel, and to see that genuine love from him. It will definitely bring back my life in this moment.
