So much pain...

Cant help myself to struggle with my own feelings, Im in so much pain that i couldn't control all this emotions.. Getting worse day by day.. How can i empower myself towards self sacrifice. How can i react and practice my rights.. A certain person in my life whom i love with all my life gives me enough heartache, its where my anxiety begin.. He would always yell when he gets mad or whenever im wrong.. No matter how i want to understand him its me thats being misunderstood.. I dont want to keep anymore trouble so i would just keep my pains in silence.. Pretending that nothing is wrong and Im alright. Just dont want to bother more, it wont be good for us if i'd say it directly that he's the one making me ill. I just want him to be considerate of my feelings. And what i would be feeling.. and listen to what i would have to say. And stop arguing. It wont make any good on our relationship.. Life for me is so unfair, why should it be the one you cherished the most will be the one who would hurt you and give you so much pain. Maybe it would be more peaceful if i die. Or betteryet get lost in his sight. But how can i when i cant live without him. So i must bare with the coldness in his heart. Im a fool maybe but i guess thats part of truthful loving. Somehow i wonder if he truly loves me or just in need of my comfort. He's not even sweet, and theres no passing day that we wont argue.. Im getting tired and starting to feel weak. I wish there'd be changes, i only want us to be happy! In God's way i pray for salvation and peace! Give me strength Dear God to carry this cross you had given me.. I realized all my mistakes and asking for your forgiveness..