Awkward Feeling

Lately i had been feeling down and disappointed with my situation. I could'nt hardly say what Im really feeling inside towards my husband. Because Im scared of him. I could'nt directly be true to him and to myself of what i really wanna say. Whenever I ask him about getting me a visa to japan he will immediately reject me. When I want to tackle an issue with regards to acquiring my japan visa, he wont allow me to get one. Im so confused and i dont really understand why he is being like this to me. It is as if I dont deserved it. Or maybe i am missing an important details about his being defensive towards it. On why he kept me distance and isolated from his life back in Japan. He always say that its not needed, that were not going to japan anytime soon, or we dont have enough money to travel. He make a lot of reason and excuses which for me are so shallow.. I feel disrespected for until now he didn't even once make a move or make plan to make me meet his parents in Japan. Eventhough his parents are not really well. I feel hopeless and sometimes devastated of this situation. I can only speak this to myself because my voice is not always being heard. He only listens to himself and not really sensitive to my feelings. Its weird to feel that he seemed stranged and too difficult to understand. Its so unfair for me and my children to be disregarded of what we really deserved. I only want to meet his parents and greet them.. Get to know the family of my husband, go to the place where he grew up and meet his siblings.. Why is it so difficult? Why is he giving me this mental torture and emotional abuse? This isn't proper, I dont deserved his negligence towards how and what i feel. Im his wife and the mother of his children. Im afraid that when the time comes i will not be able to meet my parents in-law face to face and alive. I dont want to go there to just attend a funeral... It really saddened me to see him so cold hearted. I dont have peace of mind. It unhealthy and im unhappy. I hope one day he wont regret being unfair to me. I hope he'd be more open to me without ending into arguments. I just want to feel whole.. He owe me a lot of things.. his history of cheating, of losing our wedding ring, of not giving me a proper wedding ceremony, of not giving me credit to acquired japan visa and many other things, inspite of me giving him my whole life and continue supporting him. for being his backbone during those hardtimes. Im feeling unappreciated.. Hope someday he'd find it in his heart my pure love is always here for him.