Lately i been thinking a lot of things..There's so much frustration and disappointments i must be feeling in this time. Mahal always gives me a heartache! I was disappointed the way he let's our situation happen like being far from each other. Although were trying all the means to have a constant communication, its still not enough for me. I need more his presence beside me..especially when an event comes like anniversaries, christmas holiday and birthdays. Like tomorrow will be Yuri's 1st birthday, a very much important event for us because we are the parents, yet he couldn't be here to attend the celebration.. He really dont know what he is missing this time. I sometimes think that he really dont care at all!! He is so absorbed by his work that he can forget we are here waiting for him always.. I wonder wheres the truth in his words, he said he wont hurt me again but he keeps on doing so. And that i am his priority but it seems like i am last in the line..even for the kids he would not make an effort and that hurt me much more..He always make me hope for nothing and i want to give up! Despite all this hurt his giving me i couldn't tell him directly how his doing and decisions affects me. I hope he know how to read minds by just looking at my face without me saying any word..when i get silent that means im really not in good condition and not in the mood for talking..i might still in heat by that moment and i cant do anything with it..Being far from each other gets my senses down and feeling really low..im keeping myself busy right now so that i wouldn't be able to think of him a lot and be more depressed. I cant keep on this situation forever, or for even a month or two..It would really make a big effect on how i am supposed to love him. Im feeling tired of the things happening in my life now..I admit i must be going crazy, but Im trying to look at the brighter side, Im trying to fight and keep hold of my love for him for our childrens sake. I know i must be strong.. But i dont know until when can i get a grip. Im losing my patience in a little more time..Its up to him if he can get back my genuine love for him because it is in a sinking moment.. I wish he'd be there to full it up when moment has come.. but for now im giving him my full understanding, in everything he do and the meter of my patience is running too that depends on him and the decisions he make for our life together..all i know is that i really missed him a lot thats why i maybe feeling this way..im confused too. dont know what to think of anymore. i was even that hopeful to celebrate w/ him every important event that comes in our life. Well maybe its hard for him too..I could only wish for him to make time for us..grow together in peace and harmony. I sometimes just want to keep my silence for us not to fight and get in much trouble. Im the one that is supposed to keep it in balance.. i pray that it will be a success, our marriage is my hope for true happiness.. i believed that being with someone you truly love is the most precious and happy event in our entire life.. My wishful thinking is my hope that mahal is thinking same way i do. that's all for now!! wishing and praying that everthing would turn out right.
Goodnight everyone!!!
God bless you all! Have a nice day...c",)
