Getting done with the memories from your ex and the heartbreaks.

I have been there, so I will try and tell you my experience. I once knew the greatest heartbreak and abandonment by the man I loved and who I thought loved me. Remember that there were very powerful chemicals and hormones at play when you first fell in love with someone. I was deeply bonded and I didn’t know how I would ever get through it. That quote, you never know how strong you are until strong is all you can be, truly applied to me. Somehow I rebuilt myself a better stronger person and found happiness and love again.

This is my ““two step” advice to get through heartbreak:

First, deal with him. We need to take him off the pedestal. Somewhere along the line we idealised him and romanticised the idea of being with him. You have to stop making him who you want him to be and see him for who he is. If he walked away, then he is not the right man for you. He couldn’t stay by your side, so he does not have the character you want. So ask yourself why you loved him. All the qualities I loved about my ex, he proved himself not to have, so I loved the illusion of who I believed him to be. Now think about what YOU want in a relationship, like loyalty, strength of character, fidelity, commitment, kindness- does your ex measure up? Now you know you have to let him go- he is not who you thought he was, he is not good enough for you! You have to get closure yourself, because in your mind you still have hope. You are still trying to control the outcome. Close the door forever, accept it’s finished and there is no turning back.

Next, we have to deal with ourselves. We have felt so many emotions that we have to let go of. I carried a deep hurt and sadness in me for what could have been. Sadness for the man he could have been, hurt for the betrayal and loss of the dreams I had of our future. Anger at his recklessness with my heart, and resentment for how easily he dismissed our relationship. What I learnt was that you CAN let go of the emotions, they just emotions and you are stronger than your feelings. What I came to realise was that the beauty of that love was all within me. I was always enough. I learnt to love myself, flaws and all, and when you connect with the pure love within you, you will know to walk away from anyone that does not value and respect you. If anyone does not want you, let them go, you don’t need them, you never did! So journal out your feelings, sit with them, feel them, and let them go. I even spoke to my feelings, and would you believe it, sadness even spoke back to me! It told me I didn’t need to be sad, that he was right for me then, and is no longer right for me now. Once you let go of your emotions, you will find that you gain a clarity and understanding of the relationship. You will be at peace with the past, and you can give yourself wholeheartedly to the man who deserves you. Build a loving, caring relationship with the man who is with you. Take that road to emotional freedom and inner wisdom and life will become an interesting journey for you.

You will never forget him, but you can put him where he needs to be- in your memory and in your past. You want to get to the point where you can look back without the emotional trigger- perhaps with a smile for the love you once had that helped you become the magnificent person you are today, and you will know that your life is exactly as it should be. I have tried to find that hurt and wounded girl I once was, but I can’t find her anymore. In her place is a strong and wise woman, and I am so proud of her.

Today I still have love for that ex, but I don’t see him in the same way anymore. I see him for the emotionally shallow person he was. The years I spent with him remain special, but he is not who I needed in a life partner. He was not strong enough to give me what I needed which was an honest, loving, caring relationship. My husband has given me everything he could not- loyalty, love, commitment, marriage and a family. He makes me feel loved and treasured- what more could I want?

I will end with a quote I found on Pinterest: “ I focused so hard on what I wanted, that I lost sight of what I deserved.” and, “ a great relationship doesn’t happen because of the love you had in the beginning, but how well you continue building love until the end”.

Everyday I love you!

One thing that i wished for is happening. Lately I feel more calm and contented. The sweet words i got from hubby when he say I love you put my mind in peace and heart jumping. This joy that i feel is part of the best that is yet to come. All those sacrifices,  worries and fears of losing the love we had was once again back to how it was before. And love is sweeter the second time around. I can never be thankful enough to God for hearing my prayers and answered it in time. I am blessed to have a family living together in one roof and caring for each other. Our kids are growing fast and being a responsible children. I hope and pray that all the changes we are facing are all for the better and happiness of our family. As time passed by, our marriage growth had been more open and mature. We learned to cherish and love each other whole heartedly and genuinely. We are not just a couple but bestfriends indeed. I wish we could continue to being transparent and our almost perfect relationship this time could last forever. Were lucky to find each other to be partners for life. I love you beyond the universe. No matter where we go, wherever and whatever life throws us we must always hold our hands together in facing it. No retreat, no surrender. 💑😘😇🙏🤗

Something is missing...?

I've been feeling empty inside. Feels like im missing a quarter of my life. I wanted to do things with my family but i dont know where to start and what to do. There is something that my soul and body needs to fulfill. I feel it yet im in doubt if its my insecurities or my anxiety is attacking me. I need to forgive and be forgiven. Im not sure if my hubby will support me too. Well, there is this one dream, one thing that im hoping to do without compromising the feelings of my other half. I wanted to replaced the old unwanted happenings that happened in the past or i rather say to make a new memories of our family in an island adventure that once my hubby done too but not with us. I want to go in that place where we can make up and start our forever. Where there is clear and clean sea water to flush away all those bad decisions we made in the past. That only our family being together can put on good memories and  how it feels to be in that special place in our own setting. I just badly need to replenish my soul, mind and body by the quite nature and sea breeze. I been over fatigue and my body is weary. Im just not voicing it out and complaining but i feel too tired mentally and physically. I also have to do it for my hubby's sake. I want him to relax after hardwork. Have some quite time away from his work load. Make our life balanced. I want to give him good memories with kids and make new plans for our future. I want to make peace with the past and forget all the bad memories and throw away all the pain that is still lingering inside me. This is necessary for us to totally moved on and closed those rotten door that could have tear down our wonderful family. I want to have this vacation for us, new beginning and inspiration. Closing doors of the past and never to be open again. I want to feel how great it is to have each other together. Feeling grateful and thankful for all the blessings and trials in our family life.  Realizing each others worth in our life. One cant live without the other and thats our partnership in this life. Our solemn swear to take care of each other no matter what life throws on us. Together we can make it. Never give up!

Before you argue put yourself first into their perspective.

Life is all a matter of perspective and it all depends on the angle you're looking at it from. Even when two people narrate the same story, both will do it in different ways, which shows that every individual has his/her own view. Sometimes, the hardest thing in the world for any person is to let go of your own perspective and try and see someone else's view. However, people who are capable of doing that come out as a bit more stable as it is easy for them to re-evaluate and appreciate their life by looking at someone else's view of it. Every once in a while you should turn things upside down and look at a situation from somebody else's perspective. It is always good to try and see things differently.
Sometimes it is about the two choices life gives every person; either you sit, sulk and dwell on how unfair life is to you, or you could try and figure out how to make the bad situation work in your favor. Both characters have their own priorities and are happy leading life in their own way. There is no right or wrong point of view. Each person is different and so are their choices, opinions, and decisions. We must learn to respect individuality. We all like to run away from the reality if it does not adhere to what we want in life or how we look at it. People are known to turn a blind eye or a deaf ear towards the truth just because it is harsh and doesn't match their outlook.  It's easy to lose yourself in a pack of millions and follow the path frequently taken. But remember, only if you change how you see yourself, you will be able to change how the world sees you. You may not feel very comfortable when you try to see things from a different perspective, but you have to be on the other side to truly feel what someone else may be going through. Put six people in front of one thing and they will have six different interpretations of that thing. Your interpretation will also change with a change in angle, direction, or position. What would happen if a child takes on the responsibility of the entire household? Will the tiny toddler have an option of being carefree and not worried at all about his/her loved ones? No, right? The battle between the heart and the mind can never be won. Change the way you deal with an object and you could change the entire situation.

The reasons why you should not break-up even if your not inlove.

People with solid relationships struggle in their marriages. Many of the problems come from us making poor choices like not making time for our spouses and a lack of intimacy. There are a few essential ingredients to keep a marriage going. Things like hard work, communication and support goes a long way. But maybe you've done all the right things and are falling out of love with your partner. Or maybe your spouse told you that they are not in love anymore. Does this mean the marriage is over or that you should get a divorce? It is natural to think along those lines. If you believe that the love is gone in your relationship, it doesn't need to be a death sentence for your marriage. Here are the reasons that you should not end a relationship because you believe that the love is gone. First, They Make You a Better Person. Sometimes we get stuck in our lives and this includes our relationship. A bond will make you a better person or make you a worse person. Take a moment to see if the person you are with still brings out the best in you. If you have learned to be a better fighter, a better friend, a better parent or a better neighbor, there is value here. If you guys can still laugh after a fight and keep it civil--keep the relationship going and don't give up. There is something there that is significant and merits saving.  Second, Don't Trust Your Feelings. Feelings are up and feelings are occasionally down. Welcome to life, friend. The same holds true in your marriage. Sometimes you want to be with them and sometimes you want to leave the country for more space. Even then, the miles are not enough. The next moment you are sending loving texts their way. You get the picture. Don't go by your feelings to conclude if you are in love or not. Feelings will lie to you and they will lead you astray. You really can't gauge a relationship by this. Feelings are fickle, so beware on how to move onward. Third, They are Your Go-To Person. If you are going through a tough time, who is the person you go to first? If it is your spouse, obviously there is something there. A healthy relationship is based on a mutual give and take. If you both rely on each other--they're still the first person in your life for support. People search high and low for a person that will be strong and dependable. If you are pissed off at them, it clouds your thinking of how you seemingly do love them. When the dust settles, who are you going to reach out to? If it is your spouse, you have the answer to any lingering doubts. Fourth, You Fight Fair. You are probably fighting as you read this. However, if you can fight fair and without feeling disrespected, unloved or feel that you are in danger because of tempers flying--you guys are better than most couples. If you have the discipline to walk away to cool down and to take a breather, that is a great indicator that you have evolved as a couple. Most fights are not productive. But if you are making headway and you are both hearing each other out, you are making progress. That is half the battle as many times people will draw fights out for lengthy periods of time. Fifth, You Still Communicate. Maybe communication is not the problem, it is how you communicate. There will be times when you don't want to deal with them or they are not listening. This is not an anomaly. People become tired, are working and sometimes don't have a lot to offer. Poor communication is usually the culprit. There could be one who is passive aggressive and doesn't know how to communicate and one who is always communicating but in the wrong way. We just have to find a happy medium where we can get on the same page and establish better communication skills. And last but not the least, You Still Have Feelings for Them. If you search your heart, you know that there is still a spark for your spouse. There was just a disconnection along the way. This doesn't mean you don't love each other or that you are not compatible, it might be a lack of intimacy. You both might need to seek counseling to figure out what happened. The marriage could be renewed as you work through some things. For example, if you are feeling bored in your relationship, start working towards changing it and ask the therapist for advice. A marriage is a commitment, so don't discount or be afraid to ask for help. People fall in and out of love. That is true. But before you claim that you have no love for them, think for a moment before making the wrong choice. In a world that tells us to go with our feelings all the time, we need to become more patient when making the larger decisions when it comes to our marriage.

Transition

I have loved. I have lost and I have changed. It has been difficult but I have learned so much from it. I have learned that people can hurt you so deeply and not even worry about you. I learned that good people can change in a minute when their hearts have been broken. I’ve met great people, but mean people as well. But the most important thing I have learned is that every person in this world is strong enough to let go . People come and go and that’s life! The most important thing is to stand up and realize that you deserve something better than a person who gives up on you.
I no longer have patience for certain things, not because I’ve become arrogant, but simply because I reached a point in my life where I do not want to waste more time with what degrades me or hurts me. I have no patience for cynicism, excessive criticism and demands of any nature. I lost the will to please those who do not like me, to love those who do not love me. I no longer spend a single minute on those who lie or want to manipulate. I decided not to coexist anymore with pretense, hypocrisy, dishonesty and cheap praise. I do not adjust either to popular gossiping. I hate conflict and comparisons. In friendship I dislike the lack of loyalty and betrayal.
This is the part of my life where I silently remove myself from anyone who hurts me more than they love me, drains me more than they replenish me, brings me more stress than they do peace, and tries to stunt my growth rather than clap for it. I think that I’ve done more than enough talking and trying to make things work with certain people…I’m done.
At the end of life, what really matters is not what we bought, but what we built; not what we got, but what we shared; not our competence, but our character; and not our success, but our significance. Live a life that matters. Live a life with those who are true and really care for you.

"She"

I can tell you a lot about her. She’s someone with a huge heart. She will bend over backwards and fold herself in half helping out someone if she can do anything. Her loyalty to the ones that mean something to her is unheard of nowadays. She smiles like she’s never been hurt, and if you didn’t know her, you wouldn’t ever imagine her to ever be hurt. But it happens, a lot more than anyone realizes. She’s really fragile, and it takes very little for her to be hurt, as she takes everything to heart. I’m not surprised though if you don’t know a lot though, because she’s really cautious and her letting someone close to her is a rare thing to happen. There are demons inside her that she’s constantly in a fight with. And she’s a lot worse to herself than anything that could be said to her. Her past is not one of her favorite subjects. She wouldn’t expect anyone to notice her or to listen to the things she has to say that aren’t necessary to be said. But I’m telling you, she’s so worth it all, she’s nothing you’d ever expect, and you’ll feel alive in a way that you’ve never have with her in your life.
She doesn’t need expensive gifts. She doesn’t need expensive dinners. I mean sure all of those things would be nice but, all she really needs is you. She needs your listening ear when she is ready to vent. She needs your shoulder to cry on when life gets hard on her. She needs your words of encouragement when she is getting ready to pursue her dreams. She needs to be able to feel safe around you, and know that you have her best interest when it comes to her heart. And if it’s taking her a while to let you in, she isn’t trying to punish you. She just doesn’t want to repeat making the same mistakes she has made in the past of giving a man her all, just to find out that he couldn’t match her effort. Love her genuinely. Love her patiently. Love her passionately. And last but not least, love her consistently and in return, she will love you like you have never been loved before.
To her “I love you” means that she accept you for the person that you are, and that she do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that she will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you even when you’re in a bad mood, or too tired to do the things she want to do. It means loving you when you’re down, not just when you’re fun to be with. “I love you” means that she know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them, asking in return that you do not judge her for who she is. It means that she care enough to fight for what both of you have and that she love you enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping you feel the same way for her. That's all she needed and ever wanted.