Sometimes i think...

    There are times when i feel a lot of confusion, sometimes i can’t even believe things are happening so fast..everything and everyone changes..well, i still couldn’t cope in this kind of environment. Just like right now, Im talking again and chatting with my husband always the same routine, nothing much to talk about sometimes but we still have to talk as if it is our duty with each other, and thats because were far apart..sometimes we talk of uncommon ideas that we shared, although some of the topic were nonsense..its just that we have to make the conversation alive. Im not much of the talking type of person but i love to listen from someone who talk much like my husband..who stimulates my mind and my presence.
    I wonder why, what if were not yet married until now? what could we be now? will there be changes in our feelings for each other? will he feel responsible as it is right now? what could he be doing when he feels lonely? hmm, maybe go out with a friend, preferably a filipina that he knows so well..who he can call on anytime. or go to a pachinko?! what would he do in his spare time? i wonder...i have known him as a faithful man..straight guy. and being paro-paro was really out of my thought until i had known what he had been doing and who he deals his time with, and sharing his love and passion. those were the days when i beat him emotionally, i was really gone mad and out of control. Because i hate liars. Its better to talk in honesty. Truth hurts but i can learn to accept. At least I am being aware right?
    But then, love really conquer all. And when you truly, deeply love someone you would be able to accept him for who he was and forget about the past then forgive and forget. Its unbelievable sometimes why things happen when you least expect it.. maybe that was the greatest trial in our relationship that we had ever encounter..maybe that was our calling, his calling to settle down and stick to one woman, lucky that it was me.. he he he I just wish that right now he is totally honest with me in anything under the sun and even below the belt.. because now Im really happy with him. I had the man of my dream.. not exactly but he’ll try to be the one. He seems to be honest now and vices are gone, yet one thing i still dont like about him is SMOKING! i hope he’d stop it. Im worried of his health, i still want to keep him healthy as we grow old together.
    Well, i really missed him..seeing him sleeping all alone, i want to run on his side and hug him so tight, i wish i could.. just to ease his tired feeling from working so hard.. i want to give him massage in the head..anything where he can relax. I want to be a full time wife.. i really wish were together now..Im a bit sad and lonely now.

God bless you all! Have a nice day...c",)