Hard to Forgive and Forget. How to decide on love..

A broken heart thats what Im feeling now. Being cheated once again making me look like a fool. Trust is the most difficult thing to give. Once its broken it can never be get back. How do i forgive? This is driving me mad. Im angry and very disappointed but i cant find myself wanting to hurt him back. I'd rather hurt myself then. I live for his happiness.. i sincerely do its what i call unconditional love. Until when can i play this game of playing innocent of what is really happening to our relationship. Why he had to fool around? What am i lacking? Im scared of regreting all my decisions.. i dont want to be told on the sacrifices i had made just to regret in the end and gave up life easy. I had my children to protect and give them a good future. And if possible a complete happy family. If only he'd be open and honest to me enough maybe he can still mend my broken heart. Faithfulness , love , sincerity and honesty are the only things i ask of him. I can give him last chance if only he'd be honest and tell me the truth face to face of what is really going on in his mind and in his heart. What does the word "I love you" really mean to him? And how do he get there doing this to me? What made him do this to me? I know were far apart from each other and as a man he has his manly need that only i should be the one providing it for him. I also have that kind of need but im waiting and patiently still waiting for him to come to me or for him to ask me to be there for him on those needed moment. Infidelity on his part. Right now i dont know where to start or should i really argue about it. As soon as possible i want him to cut ties with his woman before things get to worsed. Or my devil side would come out. It will be very regretful and would probably take a long time to heal. As far as i know im a very understanding wife to him. I know his need. I pour and shower him my love although in a distant. And thats our sacrifice. Wherever we are if love is true and genuine he does'nt have any reason to play with other girls near him. He should know his limits and his commitment to our marriage. And remember what he promised me that he would never cheat again ever after i accepted him as my partner in life, my other-half. I dont want my children to be pitied in the future.. i want to raise them in the beliefs of a complete happy family. I hope he'd realized our worth. Or should i let him choose between his woman and us his own family. Eventhough he hurt me many times.. i still in end find myself giving him a chance. I hope and pray i could learn to love myself more. What have i done wrong to deserved this kind of heart aches.😭😭😭 I wish somebody would really care for me.

Out of love?

Feeling all alone in a lonely sunset.. Thinking about the love we had a few years back. I realized that it may not be pure love that you had felt for me. Sometimes you act so cool and confident about me.. You sure know your place in my heart, but i dont know mine in yours. Its irritating to be just calm and take it for granted. Ignoring the way you treat me. A silent cry in my heart is wanting to cry out loud where no one can hear. All this pain is like a needle rushing in through my heart. Going deeply deep deep down inside me. Cursing my mind's sanity. I wonder what i had done wrong. Did i hurt you the day we left our home? Are you still mad with my decision? You know my reasons and hoping you'd understand. I know im inexperienced when it comes to family decision especially when dealing with the hardship of being a couple, partner and a parent. I felt sorry for not confiding you that matter before i decide. And thank you for respecting me still. I feel like chasing your heart ever since i met you.. But whenever im near you now i feel so pressured. Dont know why i lost that confident of loving you without any condition. You know my love is genuine.. And it beats for you only.. But the way we are now is not the same feeling we had before. Love is forever young. Only people grows old. I hope and pray that you would love me the same. Coz' im afraid to change.