Its been a while after that thing happen between us. I considered our relationship as lovers then. But Mark is not really open to that idea maybe because of Marilyn or was there a guilt feeling? Eventhough our relationship with each other was not typical, in my heart and in my mind i considered him already as my boyfriend..then later he agreed to our relationship. He said he would make things clear with Marilyn, and that I'm already his girlfriend then. Although he said he would break up with her in different reason and doesn’t want her to know about me. He said he will try to be careful to break the news about his change of heart..he gives me hope that this relationship of ours will persist. But on the other hand i felt guilty too of my actions. bothered by my conscience but i don't know what it is.. have i been a bad person? did i just take Mark away from Marilyn? was it really me the reason why he wants to break up with her. although i suggested maybe he could still make things up with Marilyn, he said it wont do any good because ever since he had doubted Marilyn’s feeling towards him and her love. and his being tired of it. Well, i just want to make sure about our relationship. I trusted his words.
Since our first date at sea paradise he then come often to omise and see me.. and at night sometimes i escape to see him after work. i was then going home soon. and he said he was going on a business trip to china.. i felt so lonely. why so sudden? very wrong timing when we only had little time to spend together..but there’s nothing i can do. And its more sad because he wont be able to attend my sayonara party. For the last time i want to see him and be with him yet the time limits our time to spend together.. we talk and promised each other to keep our communication even if i go back home to Philippines. He said he would visit me soon. And i rely on his words again.. A week before i go back home, i find out that im pregnant.. and i was so worried. If our manager finds it out they wont give me my salary and give me a penalty. My manager will also pay for it.. And because of that contract i signed and the rules about being a talent, i should not get pregnant. My mind was in a twirl and Mark wasn’t there.. I refuse to tell him the news, maybe later or its better if he wont know it. i must get rid of this situation.. So, by then i drink more alcohol every night.. even take medicine to stop my pregnancy before i go back home. its painful for me because i really don't know what and who to believe. I was also confused if Mark would be able to support me..in the end i take control of my own future. Mark didn’t have to know about my situation anymore.. but maybe in due time i would share this experience i have on him later especially my pregnancy. So then by drinking to much alcohol and taking medicine my child has gone maybe his only a week old, I’ve been so stress and tired. I killed my own child.. but i was in too much pressured and many will get affected by it. so i had to do it..have so much regret but i cant bring back the time now.
The night of my sayonara party.. many of my customers came with their friends.. it was a busy night, my last night in Japan. I missed Mark so much i wish he was here. But got a call from him in China.. He had sent me a bouquet of assorted flowers, i felt happy when i had it and read the card with his message of I love you.. i had think that he was missing me too. my heart cries because i missed him and wanted to be with him more.. but all that .. I had buried in my heart and in my mind until we see each other again. The party went well and the omise was full..Many left until closing time.. All of the girls were crying and saying their going to missed me.. My promoter thank me too for being a good worker at his club. I put a lot of money at his omise and he give me gratitude. He said he would request for me to go back in Japan soon after 2-3 months if i signed the new contract. i said i would sign it in the Philippines, i had to ask my manager first and they can negotiate. that's the rule, and i abide the rules. Well, after worked went straight to the apartment hurriedly packed my things. Still I'm feeling lonely, such empty feeling couldn’t just disappear. And the reason is Mark!
At 5 a.m. I'm on my way then to the airport the driver drove me again. Along the road i make glance at each road and buildings i see as if trying to put them inside my head and reminiscing memories of Japan. One by one i remember what happened to me here.. my tears run down again but i was shy the driver might notice my crying so i sob unsound. until we reach the airport..there i meet up with the two other girls again. we go back home together.. Home sweet home! Had my lesson learned in Japan. Something has change in me!
Since our first date at sea paradise he then come often to omise and see me.. and at night sometimes i escape to see him after work. i was then going home soon. and he said he was going on a business trip to china.. i felt so lonely. why so sudden? very wrong timing when we only had little time to spend together..but there’s nothing i can do. And its more sad because he wont be able to attend my sayonara party. For the last time i want to see him and be with him yet the time limits our time to spend together.. we talk and promised each other to keep our communication even if i go back home to Philippines. He said he would visit me soon. And i rely on his words again.. A week before i go back home, i find out that im pregnant.. and i was so worried. If our manager finds it out they wont give me my salary and give me a penalty. My manager will also pay for it.. And because of that contract i signed and the rules about being a talent, i should not get pregnant. My mind was in a twirl and Mark wasn’t there.. I refuse to tell him the news, maybe later or its better if he wont know it. i must get rid of this situation.. So, by then i drink more alcohol every night.. even take medicine to stop my pregnancy before i go back home. its painful for me because i really don't know what and who to believe. I was also confused if Mark would be able to support me..in the end i take control of my own future. Mark didn’t have to know about my situation anymore.. but maybe in due time i would share this experience i have on him later especially my pregnancy. So then by drinking to much alcohol and taking medicine my child has gone maybe his only a week old, I’ve been so stress and tired. I killed my own child.. but i was in too much pressured and many will get affected by it. so i had to do it..have so much regret but i cant bring back the time now.
The night of my sayonara party.. many of my customers came with their friends.. it was a busy night, my last night in Japan. I missed Mark so much i wish he was here. But got a call from him in China.. He had sent me a bouquet of assorted flowers, i felt happy when i had it and read the card with his message of I love you.. i had think that he was missing me too. my heart cries because i missed him and wanted to be with him more.. but all that .. I had buried in my heart and in my mind until we see each other again. The party went well and the omise was full..Many left until closing time.. All of the girls were crying and saying their going to missed me.. My promoter thank me too for being a good worker at his club. I put a lot of money at his omise and he give me gratitude. He said he would request for me to go back in Japan soon after 2-3 months if i signed the new contract. i said i would sign it in the Philippines, i had to ask my manager first and they can negotiate. that's the rule, and i abide the rules. Well, after worked went straight to the apartment hurriedly packed my things. Still I'm feeling lonely, such empty feeling couldn’t just disappear. And the reason is Mark!
At 5 a.m. I'm on my way then to the airport the driver drove me again. Along the road i make glance at each road and buildings i see as if trying to put them inside my head and reminiscing memories of Japan. One by one i remember what happened to me here.. my tears run down again but i was shy the driver might notice my crying so i sob unsound. until we reach the airport..there i meet up with the two other girls again. we go back home together.. Home sweet home! Had my lesson learned in Japan. Something has change in me!
God bless you all!
Have a nice day...c",)
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