Unspoken

There's so many things i want to say. Words that are left unsaid because of fear of being misunderstood and rejection. But its difficult to sustain the feeling of wanting to be heard. Despite all the worry and anxiety i feel the need to write it down. Somehow i want to share with you who can relate to my deepest emotion. If where on the same boat, i hope we can both find the courage to express ourselves. Here goes my situation... Being an open minded person i easily forgive and forget all the bad things that happen and how someone treated me unjustly. I mean treated me not fairly. Sometimes i feel my kindness is being abused. And it hurts the most when that someone who does is the person whom you give your whole life and trust with all your heart. When all the while i thought he is being honest and being a good person doing his responsibilities well but in between those mixed feelings and gestures he is showing me theres still this gap of unpleasant and sometimes can be disappointing because i felt disrespected. And that my existence doesn't seem to matter. I feel out of his decisions specially when it comes to financial matters. He would make decisions and tell me just after and my rights to our supposed to be deciding in partnership manner is being act by him solely. Its just not right and i cant fully appreciate that seemed like being honest manner but its already a late reply on me. Its like he is not giving me a chance to agree or disagree, its all on his. I dont feel like a partner in his life.😢😩 The saddest part of being kind and understanding always. I feel like im just his ego bouncing hard drive. Where he keeps all his sentiments and lifes difficult moments. But i dont complain to be the one to catch all of those. Despite the situation, i honestly appreciate his effort in working things out, fixing the broken pieces that has been shattered. And his being open to me about his dealings with the past and ongoing trouble in our life, a threat in our marriage. I completely believe that he wants to make thing better for our family. And that he realized his faults. Maybe its true that love is blind. I just hope and i pray everyday of my life that he sees me deeper in the core of my heart. How i wanted to be treated with true love, care and understanding. And take me in his every decision he has to make that affects specially our marriage and our family. Hoping to achieved our long term goal. For better or for worst, till death do us apart. We stay together at each others arms. Only death can separate me from you. A promised i make in the name of our children. Forever i will love you my love.