Last night as i browse the web i discovered something again. It was Mahal's blog, although its written in Japanese there's an automatic translation in English so i could understand it all. At first i was amazed by the way he expresses himself in writing, yet as i go deeper into reading his blog i discovered something which is up to now is still a puzzle in me..Maybe, its half the truth, the answer to my questions. Although he marry me, i still got this feeling of incomplete closure between him and Marilyn. And sometimes i doubt his love for me, if its for real or am i just being his escaped. Because as i read between the lines he still care for her and maybe he still love her co'z he couldn't forget what happened in their relationship.. Sometimes i feel guilty.. was it me that had been the hindrance in the progress of their relationship. But by the time i had discovered his two timing relationship with me too, I feel betrayed. It is a situation i don't want to go through again and again. I want his true genuine love for me and no other woman would get involved. I want him to love only me.. But that i cannot control for i know sometime in his past Marilyn did make him happy. And that in no doubt was still in Mahal's system. He couldn't take away the memory they build together. And for that reason, I lose trust in our relationship. Maybe he could gain my trust if he marry me again in a Big Church in front of the people we love, our family, friends, in front of the priest that will do the ceremony and there he would promise his true love for me in God's presence! Well, reading his blog my chest and heart been painful again, like a heart attack is coming on my way. How am i supposed to stop my destiny? Now I'm trying to control my emotions and relax in times like this. Its a stress and i don't know what to think about his blog. I know it is for real when he write the blog, but i just couldn't help getting hurt again. Despite of his promises that he wont hurt me again, i still don't have that too much confident in his true feelings towards me. He seems to be loving every girl that had been in his life. And not freeing the feeling they had before, so it hurts me deep inside. I'm trying not to show it..my emotion! Or i might just loss my temper and have a fight or argument with him again. I'm tired of it and i had enough of it! Maybe for now its up to him to prove his love to me...yet i love him so much and i just want him to be honest.
Have a nice day...c",)
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