In my thoughts!

Today, i was tempted to read Mahal's blog. Although he said that i must not read it. That it is a blog for everyone, yet forbidden for me. And i don't understand why he wants to keep it from me. What is he afraid of..that I'd discovered more about him and his past...Well, that's in the past and i couldn't bring back what happened in the past. I just want to understand him more. That's my true intention. I don't want to be the last one to know what's going on. I don't want him to keep secret at all times. I want to build our relationship in honesty. Well, as i run my eyes on his blog... i realized something about him. Why he had been this way to me. And it all starts in his trauma with his relationship with Marilyn. And all that including about the money, the full support and a good heart he gave her. Despite all his effort their relationship didn't persist. Well, maybe its really not his destiny, that God's plan is to make him wake up in a false hope relationship with her. Marilyn, although i don't know her personally, but i got this chance to chat with her during the peak trial of my relationship with Mahal, she seem to be for the love of money only. And in the process as i analyzed it, Mahal did give her the best of her life, she just couldn't appreciate her luck and missed it. In the end they both suffer from misfortune. And Mahal got affected so much, that he had carried it with him at all times even when he's with me.. The pain of his past doesn't just go away even now. But i hope i could give him the chance to live a happy marriage. And that he deserve my love.. I want to comfort all his sufferings, but i don't want him to treat me like a cure or pain reliever or even a substitute in his ideal girl Marilyn. I don't want to hear him say that he just love me because he needs me..because for me, i need him in my life and i cant live without him because i love him so much!